One interesting idea I came upon is “gaduated exposure therapy” Wikipedia.com
I remember thinking thoughts that seem highly related to this idea,such as,,she needs someone better then me,so the kids will properly be taken care of.
self-sabotage…I often asked myself what am I doing,?I will ruin our relationship.as though I was trying to push her away!
I remember thinking if it was though I was seeing from a one way mirror,(I could see her and the kids doing well.I was in control..as though I was setting her up in a relationship,that would assure all their’s well being.yet at the same time I would lose our relationship)
A site on Systematic Desensitization….guidetopsychology.com