My Writings

Third gender

I been studying a lot about “Third-Gender”,lately ever since I really started thinking about my desires for the” idea” relationship.Questions like…What type man do I find attractive?,..what type Lady do I find attractive?,…when I am have been a man,how do I feel?what do I want of him?…same question’s for a Lady?….With both…first is True friendship…trust…very non-superficial(I only prefer in a mate…self-actualizing type).

When I have been with either sex,,I imagine myself as a female.

Questions I have asked myself:

1..What type person am I attracted to sexually?….first to my mind is:  handsome black guy, whom is non-egoistic ,kind,more fem,,(if I meet or see a black guy in public often I think to myself.”I’d like to be his girlfriend”..or I will try to figure out ways of striking up conversation(flirt)…which has worked on occasion..and lead to a actual date

3..I don’t need to have female body,to be female in my mind.(I to practical ,to have a need to dress as a female(if I could have another life,,I would rather be a Lady),a artist with a sexy black husband

4..I only like kissing females and black males.

5..out of bed(non-sexually)…I like doing female type things as well,if not better then male things(I would rather hang-out with a group of females)….

6…After 20 years modeling nude..I was very comfortable being around women nude(never was I turned on by it)…I modeled nude with other,females,never did I look at them sexually



I can opening talk to females about sex better than men ,for example,,I was with some ladies not long ago..and they where admiring this sexy guy..I commented..”yeah,I dare one of you to go ask him if I could suck his cock?”,,,one of said quickly your “celibate”,,I replied ” Yes,but open-minded too!,,you’s can even watch as I do!”

Site I found on Third Gender….Third Genders: New Concept? Or Old?

I can relate to Kathoey..I have often wondered if I were 30 again,,if I could have be brave enough to be like…Nong Toom…though she wishs to have Sex reassignment surgery (male-to-female)…..I personally wouldn’t desire surgery,I am content mentally understanding I am more female at heart then male,,I also can relate to “Demisexual”..even when I was very “promiscuous” and strictly seeing Top-men,..I still was very selective,,(had to get to know them on the phone..pretty well first,then after meeting..if I didn’t feel a good trust….I would tell them thanks,but no thanks)…my usual routine on first meeting..(if I decided to commit sexually was..perform..”fellatio” on them,if they were gentle with me,seemed very kind.(didn’t try to force it down my throat),,I would please them til they climaxed in my mouth(if it went to this point,where I knew I wanted to swallow their cum,I knew I wanted to see them again).I found early on,,a way to a man’s heart is to let him climax in your mouth,,swallow it,,and tell him how good it tastes!(I would say 90 percent of the men I have been with said..”my wife or girlfriend will not swallow or have anal sex)..many of the men’s wives knew they can to see me for “fellatio” or to go in my bottom.

I wish I had known myself better then,as looking back I missed several chances for a “traid”..(MFm..relationship (where I had met a few guys asking if I would like to meet their wives)..I did with a few couples,,where the wives simply watched as their husband’s topped me(both times they would bare-back me and climax in my bottom)and both couples enjoyed this scenario.With both couples,,,then wives,,seemed not threaten in regard to Jealousy,both ladies told me….they viewed me different,,not male nor female,,and after several times we’s had met,both ladies allowed me to perform “cunnilingus” on them,as their husbands..mounted me from behind.(that..Traid relationship idea)(both couples where black)

My first time for both performing “fellatio” and having a real penis my bottom where with black men…I have often wondered why I am so attracted to black men much more..I first thought it might be “their penis size”..yet after being with over 100 different black men…their sizes have ranged from 6 inch to 9 inch,,varying thickness( I found all that matters is..”they are inside me,I feel like a lady,and I very much need them to climax in me)

I very much like a man or a lady(in private) call me Michelle instead of Michael..I like them to treat me like a lady..example when a guy is topping me,,I like when he says things like”good girl”,,your pussy feels so tight and good” etc.

I could say…I am very ,,,,finally content and happy to be called  “Michelle” and be as “Michelle”

I currently believe if I met the right guy(he would have to be financially secure,as I would have to quit being a carpenter) and he was supportive of me and if he wanted me to appear in public as a lady.For example: wear a dress,have my hair done like a lady..I would like that,,and would do it”

I believe for myself….” When I realized”,, when a man has his cock in my bottom,,,it is not the physical pleasure at all,,it is knowing,feeling him up inside my bottom,it is the greatest mental pleasure ,,imagining he is breeding me..we are copulating,I am his “Lady”..the idea he is climaxing inside of me



Scenario of a trans-gender society

1….Imagine- a country,or state,etc. where all members of the population where a combination of straight females,or lesbians and fem-males.(trans-gender males that retain their penis)….this would elimate social dogma’s which they would have to deal with.

2….Question to myself?…might be ,”could I personally live in this a trans-gender fem(bottom)?…yes would be my reply…if I could have relationship with a male(alpha type,sexually…yet he could mate with female) and straight female(non-sexually)’

3…..How would I dress  I imagine myself dressing as I do currently for my work(as I am a carpenter.)non-working…I’d wear a skirt

4…..Would I consider Breast augmentation?…I think I would…on the basis it may define me more as female(I would say I am 80% female mentally)….I diffential prefer the role as female,I would rather be around females(non-sexual) then males

5….Would I retain my penis?   I personally have never thought of ever going beyond(she-male stage of trans-gender)…I consider my bottom,my female aspect of myself(call it my “imagined vagina” or boy-pussy)…

6…..How would you, like to be referred to-(name)?   Personally I like to be called,”Michelle”…fits me better then Michael

7……How would you like referred to as sexual orientation?..Personally I would describe myself 3/4 female..1/4 male

Preparing for anal penetration

Since I began a having anal sex(being receiver)..back in mid 90’s,I have tried many different approachs for cleansing my “bottom” prior to sex…finding helpful ,truthful imformation,has been until recently ,difficult at best.However whether male or female,if your to be penetrated anally(anilingus),,,,internal-cleansing is a means of douching… is site I found helpful(Herbal love)….I personally years ago went to Walmart bought  these…… and made my own douche!….for dildo’s I been buying them at Betty’s toybox..with good service(Betty’s Toybox)…I think the cyberskin material is best(and I use doesn’t recommend,yet I’ve not seen a problem)..if going out..I take K-Y jelly(washs off clothes easier)..


douche….use a dildo for awhile….douche again…dildo awhile…douche…dildo….usually takes me half hour or so



My current thoughts on Cuckolding

I hope my experience(having two actual “Cuckold” experinces)

I would not recommend doing it where wife or girlfriend sees anyone guy,then comes home and tells you about it…you will find yourself being obsessed,,with wondering!

If you are a cuckold,,and if you could be with them,,I don’t I was never present with my wife or girlfriend,if they where accepting of would be worth experimenting….but for the cuckold to be left alone,wondering..I highly don’t recommend it…most likely will end your relationship!


Being a Fem-male




For me, I think writing…”Terrace” was pivotal point where I realized I wasn’t just bi-sexual.(which was like a secret or something) was accepting that mentally I am more female(though I have never,pondered idea of sex change)..I can see where others do,if they are more female oriented(like Bruce Jenner,Mianne Bagger,Dana International,to name just a few male to female transgenders)

I personally think it would be nice to wear a skirt in public…yet I have always been a fairly utilitarianskirt2me female1

of course I used to dress like this for “my top-man”…believe me..even though I have been celibate 15 years now..if the right sexy black-top man ,came knocking on my door,I would eagerly get dressed like this for him…and sexually please him!






144px-Anasyromenos_statuette,_Rome_art_marketFor humans, androgyne (/ˈændrədʒaɪn/ AN-drə-jyn) in terms of gender identity is a person who does not fit neatly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society. Androgynes may also use the term “ambigender” or “polygender” to describe themselves. Many androgynes identify as being mentally between woman and man. They may identify as “non-gender”, “gender-neutral”, “agender”, “between genders”, “genderqueer”, “non-binary”, “multigender”, “intergendered”, “pangender” or “gender fluid”.[27] A person who is androgynous may engage freely in what is seen as masculine or feminine behaviors as well as tasks. They have a balanced identity that includes the virtues of both genders and may disassociate the task with what gender it may be socially or physically assigned to.[28] People who are androgynous disregard what traits are culturally constructed specifically for males and females within a specific society, and rather focus on what behavior is most effective within the situational circumstance….I would say I fit this fairly well

Cuckoldry and female acceptance

Not until in my mid-thirties did I become involved in what I would call a truly some what..”open cuckold relationship”.How this started was my girlfriend and I started talking openly about our sexually fantasies,,,she mentioned a guy, work he was always hitting on her,,,she told me she had known him a long time..,she knew other women whom had gone out with him,,the common theme about him was,,he is very well endowed.I then asked her if she wanted to find out for herself?..her reply was …”I have in fantasy..”.I replied..”I’d like to watch you and him,,fucking”…she was a bit surprised at first..then grinned and said”..I might just do it!(I found her reply very erotic,,yet didn’t understand why,,just did).A few weeks went by…one day she calls me at lunch ,,says to me..” you know who’s coming over to my place…and I going to let him fuck me silly,I’ll call you back when we are done”..bye….Now I was forced to wait and contemplate.”OMG”..I was going crazy..I was extremely turned on,,was having a difficult time focusing on my work,yet wait is all I could do.

Like so many new relationships,my girlfriend and her new friend,,found every chance they could to get together to fuck. After about 3 months,,I found myself at a adult sex shop buying a strap-on dildo…I wanted her to peg me,..I had mentioned this to her,,she thought it would be good and exicting,so this was my next step toward being “Fem”(yet at the time it didn’t occur to me)

A first she just pegged me..then we would have our normal love-making type sex.       Then,,,one day while she is pegging me she says to me..”I bet you wish you had a big black cock in your mouth,dont you”…as I moaned,,I whimper in a very fem way..”I think I would”…then she replied..”yeah you can be my cock sucking sissy-boy,I will still love you”…then she pulled out of me..took the strap-on off,,came around in front of me,sitting on couch,,spreading her legs before me,,,she then said”suck on me,,make me cum..imagine your boy-pussy is being fucked by a real man,like my new boyfriend”..I was soon imagining just that as I performed..cunnilingus on her.She talked dirty to me as I pleasured her,,mentioning her and I where going go shopping for some sissy clothes for me,,how she knew this very sexy young black guy,,she thought that she could set me up with…I stopped sucking her for a moment,looked up at her ,then asked her..”are you trying to get rid of me?”,,she smiled,,and replied “no..I love you..yet I also need a real man too..and I want you as you are,,a sissy ,,that give the greatest,,cunnilingus…and bet once you start sucking cock..which by the end of the week,if I have my way,you will truly be doing,,as well as instead of me pegging you,,,it will be a real black man fucking you”.

She did as she said she Saturday night…in a parked car,behind a old warehouse,,I found myself sitting next to the gent she mentioned(black guy,I will call him William) watching him unzip his jeans, then revealing his beautiful cock..I in moments was licking,and sucking it and within 10 minutes he was squirming about,moaning out”I going cum”gripping his cock tightly with my lips..feeling his warm cum squirt into my mouth..swallowing it as fast as I could..I’ll never forget how good it felt to have him cum in my mouth,how good it felt to give him pleasure.(my first blow-job)..note (I have been Autofellatio(self-sucking myself since age 13)

After that,after telling my girlfriend that I really enjoyed it,,,she accepted it by saying”I knew you where a fem-boy you know”

After that William began coming over to my place,at first I would just give him a blow-job,,hang out a bit and talk..then he’d leave.

One day talking with my girlfriend,she said to me”has William fucked your boy-pussy yet”,,I replied ” no but we had talked of it,,and I told her that I really think I am ready to let him”,she smile,,and said”admit it you wish you where a lady when your sucking his cock,dont you”..kinda embarrassed ..I replied”yes,I guess I do”,her reply was” ask him if he would like you to wear you” new garter and thigh-highs”..and that you want his cock in you like a lady”

Later that day he called,,said he could use a good blow-job,that he had,had a stressful day.My reply was” I need you to do that,,but I also need you to make me your “lady”..need you to bend me over and slam your big black cock in my pussy..fill me full of cum”

I was ready for him,,clean,,and ready to layed..dressed with my thigh-highs and garter,,a short lip stick.When he arrived he was pleased..smiled and said”I like you being lady like”as I drop to my knees,unzipped his jeans and took his cock into my mouth,sucking him for a minute or so,till he had a raging hard on..I helped him out of his jeans,,,I grabbed the vasoline ,I had set on the coffee table..rubbed it on his cock..looked up at him and said” if you don’t mind,from now on will you call me Michelle,instead of Michael..because from now on,I wish to be your lady-boy friend..and you my Man“.(After that he aways called me Michelle,even my girl friend soon was)

William was soon sliding his fat 8” cock into me as I bent over the coffee table,the moment he was fully inside me..I knew I should have been a lady..having him in me was as complete a feeling as I had ever had,it was like I knew my place!

The dynamics of the whole scenario..I thought I truly loved “Jane”(my girlfriend) and her I.In a way looking back though,I think I imagined our relationship in a idealistic model of what I now call the “Queen Concept”her as ruler,she can be allowed to have any mate she chose,my duty was to serve her as she wished,and I was totally submissive to her.After I started seeing William..I asked her,if she would now join William and I in a true Traid type relationship,her reply was “I am happy,however Don(“her lover)doesn’t what you to have your cock in me any more”,I told her I understood,,and(that was 15 years ago and I have never just my cock since,except to masturbate)To make a long story short,,within 6 months William moved to the west coast..and Jane is married to Don and as a couple kids,I was alone again.

After about 2 months,,I was in search of a new “Mate”,I was literally in heat,,and needed to be bred.I started going to chat rooms looking ,describing myself as “White 100% bottom seeking black top man”,at that time (2001)..I had a lot of luck on chat,yahoo chat finding guys..and to my surprise a lot of married black guys whom just wanted their cocks sucked,,within 6 months ,15-20 guys on average(all black) mostly  married guys whom I would regularly give blow-jobs to (they never wanted to fuck me,most of them said it seemed too gay).I would see few gay or bi guys whom would fuck me,and I was always looking for more..I just wasn’t find right one,,I wanted a very professional black top man,basically straight,yet could treat me like a lady . Several of the married guys fit that profile,yet they where content being married,and have me routinely suck their cocks..(which I was happy to pleasure them) at that time,,I was in a constant state of “being in heat”,,I was careful,selective,thank-god,,yet looking back..there are many risks..and if I didn’t get to suck cock everyday,,,something was wrong,and I was calling one of the guys(my regular tops)asking if they wanted a blow-job.By calling and asking..I was becoming ,,”Known”(my guys where telling ,guys they knew to call me for a great blow-job..I was even going to a few..”man caves”..where a group of them hung out,,and would give them all blow-jobs(one night 6),those guys,,it was getting common to do..everytime,,as I was leaving..I would say”next time you all have to fuck my pussy”(all these guys where married,I had got to know them,and every one of them would come to my place now and then alone for a blow-job,,yet not one had fucked me.So anyway my friend whom had the “man cave”..called few week later told me to stop by sunday for the game, I replied”only if I get fucked by all of you”,he replied..”we all talked about it ,and we all will”. Believe me,when I say..I was very excited..Sunday morning found me busy cleaning,shaving,douching my bottom,I had bought a new dress,and thigh-high w/ garter,I wanted to as sexy for them as I could.Game time came,as I walked in the door to the “man-cave”..I got some good looks and oooh’s,..I then said” I here to be bred by all you studs,,who’s first”,in moments one of them gestures with his hand pointing to the back room(where they always take me for a blow-job,,private),he and I went in,closed the door.I helped get his pants of,sucked him til he was good and erect,,I had condoms and lube,,so got it on him lubed him,there is washer and dryer in there,,I leaned onto the washer,pulled my skirt up,turned my back and him,,and said”please fuck me ,like I am a lady”,,and within moments his cock was going in and out of me,,and within 5 minutes ,he was moaning,jerking about,and climaxing..I did everyone the same,in half a hour,all had fucked me except my favorite”Robert”..he and I went through same routine,,except ..I said to him as he got his pants off,,”No Condom for you,,I’ve wanted you to fill my pussy with your cum ever since I met you,I waited long enough,,”..he didn’t let me down

I kept this life-style up for 4 years(over 100 different black guys in all),then in 2005..I just decided ,no more,,and gave up searching for anyone(male or female),,I have been celibate since 2005,except for masturbating


I have wondered if  a couple,where the male is obsessed with idea of seeing his wife/girl friend with another man, if they might explore this, where both are openly envolved,her helping him,maybe even pegging him,..I do our society”..we are in the “Dark Ages” far as openness.and helping each other,understand one of our most basic needs


Imagine a couple where the male is wanting to be cuckolded..what if they as a couple could find a individual (call him a “sex therapist“my he could be someone like myself,totally fem ,non-threating as far as taking her away from the husband/boyfriend) that was safe for her(a male) first(meeting) would just perform  “cunnilingus”, on her as the husband/boyfriend observes?…if this went well..(all three in agreement)note…the idea of the husband/boyfriend..receiving “fellatio” while she watches ….could be discussed (I have personally done something similar with several that I was already servicing(performing fellatio on the husband,and had been once a week for about 2 months..when he ask me if next time he could bring his wife)….so I believe he had built up a big trust in me.felt at ease with me..I told him I thought it was a good idea,that I truly believed openness(when I see a married guy,I tell them,,if you can,,I am going to see Michael(Michelle),,for a blow-job)..I don’t like hiding,secrets etc….My Pre·req·ui·site’s to see anyone are (Number 1..I don’t put my cock in women or men,,,,clean,well kept,Kind,no drugs or drunks etc…no STD’s…honest…no rudeness in stupid people, bdsm stuff )..this has kept me safe all these years…also if we could become a more” Honest Open Society“..thus embrace what really being “Human ” is there should have been many more couples,,that I could have been seeing!…just a thought

The Couple’s I seen in this context…had a lot going for them,openness being their most vital virtue!…even the couples where the lady simple watched as her husband/boyfriend were in the “Act” of me giving them a blow-job,..or the actual real life event of seeing me,seeing their “man”..seeing their “man’s” cock sliding in and out of my bottom..then seeing their man squirming, he pumps his cum,,in my mouth or my bottom..believe me,,,they all said it was “life changing”,and in a good way!

Bern’s “Exotic Becomes Erotic” Theory of Sexual Orientation

The Heart of Bern’s Theory: Does the Exotic Become Erotic? According to Bern (1996, p. 323), the ‘ ‘heart of EBE [Exotic Becomes Erotic] theory is the proposition that individuals become erotically o r romantically attracted t o those who were dissimilar o r unfamiliar to them in childhood.” Lesbians are attracted to women because i n childhood they were different from other girls. Note that Bern’s level o f analysis concerns attraction to a category of people, not unique individuals. Bern is not asserting that a specific individual who is perceived a s dissimilar or unfamiliar in childhood will later become an object of adult desire. Rather, his argument is about a gender-based class of people. If a young girl is unfamiliar with other girls, she will later become erotically attracted to the gender category of women. In Bern’s (p. 322) words, “the exotic class of peers becomes erotically or romantically attractive” to the individual…….

My personal experience at a young age..(8th grade),I attended a school where there where many blacks,yet prior(1-6th grades very few blacks.Starting in 7th grade we had open showers in gym (my first experience with seeing black guys nude),maybe I glanced at one guy,(fellow student in my gym class,whom was black,and also was very well endowed,,so naturally I noticed him nude in the showers,walking back to his locker etc.I remember feeling some what “liking of seeing him”.One day he caught me staring at his cock,,later that the hall I walked toward class,he came walking next to me,,and asked me”..I like to get together with you sometime”.Freaked out I was,,then I realized..I wanted to suck his cock,,,yet never did.

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